The other day I was getting ready to go down to visit my mum. As I was choosing my clothes, I realized a voice picking at me all the time: no, these pants have holes, she won’t approve. No, this shirt is too casual. No, no tights as the cats will be all over you… I then realized that none of the outfits I would pick would bring me joy on that particular day, and that I wasn’t listening to my own needs of what I would love to wear the most for that particular trip.
Another time over that week I was home enjoying my weekend and sitting on my balcony, relaxing and literally bumming around not doing very much. That vicious voice came back and urged me to get off my bottom and go out and do something, now that it’s a nice day out. What a waste to sit in and not go out and explore, visit a museum, sit out in a park and relax, do a little trip somewhere and what not… The thing is – I was relaxing, sitting in the sun on my balcony. I was enjoying myself and the sunny day. I just didn’t feel the need to do that out there surrounded by random people or friends. I was perfectly content where I was and didn’t plan on moving. For the whole weekend actually…^^ Call me an introvert and antisocial, lazy cat, a lollygagger that doesn’t seize the day at all, or worse – the weekends… But the thing is: I was perfectly happy. And isn’t that what it is all about?
Why is it that we often have this little voice sharing its opinion about what other people will think about us? About what we might look like to the outside? Criticizing our looks, our behaviour, our decisions…? Why can’t we just relax and be ourselves and accept that that’s just the way we are?
I shouldn’t have to want to prove to anyone how active I am or what exciting thing I’ve done over the weekend. Even as a kid I was perfectly happy staying in, drawing, playing, crafting… It is the same kid inside of me, after all… It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the nature outside or never do cultural activities – but just that most of the time I’m just well at home, and that that is the place I can recharge my batteries best.
In my new situation now I even enjoy the weekends much more! Not having a partner urging me to get out and visit people, family, to actually do stuff… And also, this apartment brings me so much joy that staying in at home feels like heaven to me ❤ So why bother about what others might think?
Funny enough, that same week I came across a lovely quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway…
So I pulled out the ripped pants again and put them on. And if my lovely mum would start eyeing them, I would give her a big big hug and smile, and just let that comment go past me, for it is me I’m doing all this for 🙂