It’s been 5 1/2 weeks since I moved into this flat. Take away the first week because I couldn’t really do much since the walls had to be painted and everything had to be stacked in the middle of the room. Take away two more weeks because I was on holidays. Take away another 1/2 week because I was barely home and very, very busy at work. That makes two weeks of being here trying to get organized. Sometimes I feel I’m getting there and it starts to look lovely – the kitchen and the bathroom are tidy most of the time :). But sometimes I feel like booking my next holiday and walk right out this door, forgetting about everything that is piled in my flat…
Like today. The mere look at the amount of boxes and things overwhelms me at times. It makes me want to sit down and cry (well, you get the picture^^). This weekend I told myself to clear the rooms of all the boxes. I didn’t quite manage yesterday. Today was just like, hmmmmm… I’m getting there, but hmmmmmmm……… ^^ Sometimes I open up boxes, take a peek in there and close them again, shoving them to a corner to deal with later…
It just takes so.much.energy! to think of a new place for each item! It was so clear (well, for most of the things anyhow) in my last flat, and I should think that organizing a new flat would be so much fun! It actually really can be! But not if you’ve got so many things you barely can deal with them… It drains your energy and makes you want to sit down amongst the mess and just flick through a magazine instead (which I sometimes do, just because I can’t deal with it and need my break from it!).
Part of the problem is that I had to pack and leave in a rush. I had no time left to declutter properly before moving, so lots of the clutter just ended up in a box and happily followed me here. I’ve already started to fill my 4th Brocki bag with things I decided I didn’t want or need anymore after all…^^ And still I sometimes ask myself where all this stuff came from!
The good thing about moving is that you go through everything and have your belongings freshly in mind. I moved into my last flat about 3 years ago, so when packing, I kinda knew which items I had used and which I hadn’t during that span of time. It was easy to let go of things I knew I hadn’t used in the past three years and admit that there was no point in moving them along.
Another good thing that has helped me let go of items is the break up. I felt as if I needed a more severe new chapter in my life, which made it easier for me to let go of things that
a) The Man had given to me and I had kept just because of that reason
b) The Man’s family had given to me and I had kept just because of that same reason
c) reason a + b, adding the fact that I didn’t really like the item anyhow
d) we had bought together which I now feel though need to be replaced in order to feel more like a fresh start
e) I had kept long enough and belong more to a former “me” than the current “me” and need to go in order to let the new “me” fully grow and start from scratch
It is a very nerve wrecking process but I go with anything as long as it helps me fill the Brocki bags and declutter my flat.
Sometimes though when I feel overwhelmed with my stuff, it blocks me from continuing the decluttering process. Specially when my furniture wasn’t all here yet and I couldn’t empty some boxes with clothes because I couldn’t store them, and so on, and I kept going round and round not really putting anything away… It nearly felt like before in my last flat when I tried to get hold of my mess…
What a curse!
And then I wish I was brave enough to just donate everything and take it out my door… Click point (Konmari Method) here or there, I have only ever heard it a few times but apparently more like a tiny bell than like a bomb…
I am in the process of detaching myself from my things. I don’t want my things to have a hold of me, rather me to have a hold of them. I want to be the one deciding when they need to go, not the other way around. If I don’t act soon enough, the things will keep me here in this flat for the next century, and that thought is pretty scary… I don’t want things to hold me down from flying away wherever I want to!
I am learning to deal with this curse and am slowly pushing it out of my life. Step by step. Maybe some day I’ll defeat it, and I’ll be free ❤